Love is a multi-faceted word like it's very strong counterpart - f**k ... it has many connotations and used in quite many sentences, some strong and some trivial, of course all of them positive... usage of the word can vary from 'i love that girl, i love my parents, i love playing cards, i am in love with my job' to many other forms... many times we tend to overstate things and use love instead of like... for example, the sentence "i love my job" is an overstatement... one can like his job or like his job a LOT, but love is not the right word..
to me what differentiates like and love is the physical basis of love....i can like my colleague but i might do things for him, but i wont go out of the way to do it.... similarly i wont imagine being physically close to that person.... but love is something where there is either an already established physical intimacy (including that of the mother and child) or anticipation of physical intimacy... we love our parents so much because we have been physically close to our parents - they cuddled us, they took us in their arms, we hugged them, they kisses us and all of that physical intimacy forms the basis of our love for them... then of course the knowledge that they are raising us using their money and energy etc etc come into the picture.. the same i think is true with a girl and guy... anticipation of physical intimacy drives feelings of love, and these physical intimacy feelings need not be ourely sexual - cuddling is not sexual, but this does drive the feeling of love...
take the case of pets.... i dont know if we can ever love our pet dog without even touching it.... maybe if there is a person who likes a dog though he may not like touching it, then that feeling might be a different emotion like sympathy.... but pure love has to have a physical basis... we love petting our dogs and this drives that intense love between the dog owner and the pet.
we love our cars vs liking it.. we love our cars because we like driving it, we like runnign our hands over that gleaming paint on metal, we like to run our hands on the nice dashboard, the solid steering wheel, we love the feeling of the leather on the seats and we love the sound waves that hit our ears when it starts (perhaps not in the case of all cars is this sound thing true).. anyway, here also it has a physical basis.
so love without prior physical touch or it's anticipation is not really love.. it can be empathy, sympathy, affection, regard whatever but not love
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While I do agree with your point of view that liking or adoring someone transforms into love with some kind of physical intimacy or a physical connection (a loving touch, hugging, cuddling), I also think there is something to the concept of love without any physical need or connection - history is filled with great love stories where the persons involved are miles apart, fell hopelessly in love through letters in the good old days..or so many love stories of love at first sight that becomes a long lasting love.
ReplyDeleteneo
ReplyDeleteis it possible/desired that a person doesnt want/need any kind of love at all but still be very happy? i m not talking about so called exalted,emancipated and enlightened souls here , i m asking about normal human beings,
Sheshu, i personally dont think that i would be happy if i think that no one loves me... but do this.. google Maslow's hierarchy of needs and you would know why people need love and want to love... in maslow's hierarchy of the needs of a human being, there are five categories, on top of each other like a pyramid.... the first one is survival needs, second is safety needs and the third is psychological needs where he talks about the feelings of love, affection and belongingness... so read about them of you havent till now.....
ReplyDeletein fact when i see the nat geo channels, i wonder why the lion cubs like to be cuddled by their mother, what sort of comfort they get? their love and affection is much more physical i guess....
Madhuri, i clearly said that physical intimacy OR anticipation of physical intimacy/imagination of physical intimacy... so for long distance love stories as you said, those lovers liked each other only through their letters but fed by their imagination of the other person... am sure those long distance, never seen each other love stories had lots of imagination going around (imagination not just of the sexual variety, but of basic physical closeness) ...
According to the basis of love in your description, i dont think we overstate our feelings about anything while there's no physical intimacy attached to it. You use the word love as an expression of your feelings about a certain thing you are so fond of by comparing it to the intensity of that love which has physical intimacy attached to it by nature. I am fucking crazy about a song, a movie, chicken tikka masala, formula one, swimming. The word like is an understatement to express my fondness for these things. So the next best word to describe my craziness is 'love' as that is the ultimate expression of a positive feeling. When I say " I love my job" all i am expressing is that the feeling i have towards my job is such that it can be compared to the love I have for my parents or husband because that is how much i value my job in my life. Technically, using love in this case may seem to be misused, but it particularly sends out the message loud and clear. There would be many people who fabricate things by using the word love, but I am not talking about them.
ReplyDeleteAah Neo! You walk the path of so many before who tried to define this feeling called Love. Love cannot be defined only experienced. Words and language are limited tools to capture it. Leave it to the poets!
ReplyDelete- AK
i am not trying to define love... all i said was love's basis has to be in some physical intimacy, either before or current or anticipated intimacy
ReplyDeleteNot many people are good in choosing the words carefully when they talk or write.
ReplyDeleteMany times (most) people cannot convey what they mean/think/feel because of their negligence in choosing words and limited understanding of the importance in communicating their message accurately...
So, you don't have to judge people based on what they speak...